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Anal sense

I’m afraid to admit this.

I don’t think I should.

If I do people will not think I am the sex goddess that I really am.

I’m really, really good at sex but oh man, I hate anal sex! Hate it! Hate it! Hate it!

Man I sound like a lame-O.

I’ll try to explain my disgust. First off, I hate taking a shit. I like that I can read while doing it but the actual act is gross.

If I could never take a shit again, I would be happy. I tried being bulimic but that didn’t work so I am forced to dispose of my waste in the traditional manner.

All my gay male friends really love to take shits. Jim, for one, talks poop constantly. He is obsessed with it. He actually recaps his daily downloads for me in great detail. I’ve begged a pleaded for him to stop but he thinks it’s funny that I am so disgusted and therefore he is encouraged to keep the turd tails a-comin’.

Me: Hi Jim, how are you.

Jim: Good. I took a really big poo today! I mean It was huuuuuge! You would think I ate a very large animal last night. Thankfully it was a healthy dark
brown color not like the green from a few…….

Me: Oh God Jim stop! I didn’t call you to talk about
your poo.

Jim: Oh…did somebody not take their poo yet today?

Me: Jim that’s gross!

Jim: OOOHH! I’ll bet someone has loose stool today (yes he
actually will use that wording).

Me: Jim Come on!

Jim: Did you or did you not take a poo today?

Me: YES! I took a dump earlier! Now…

Jim: Was it diarrhea?…

This can go on for hours. His cabinet is filled with intestinal-cleaners and tons of fiber supplements to better facilitate his beloved daily dumps. I’ve never seen a book in his bathroom so I suspect he just smiles with glee while he sits on the toilet.

It’s a gift of his gayness, I suppose.

As for sex the two-men-in-way, I’ve tried it myself two times. The first time was with my first long-term boyfriend, Dave. His friend Bud did it with his girl and Dave really wanted to try it. Bud had also had a threesome and Dave wanted to do that too. But Dave wanted Bud to be there – not another girl. I questioned his sexuality several times, and to his defense I may have screwed him up a little by exposing him to so many gay men.

We went out with Bud and his girlfriend Jenny one night and while in the
bathroom I asked Jenny how butt fucking was.

Me: So Dave wants to, you know, come around the back way.

Jenny: Yeah, Bud told me last night. Dave and you want to try it up the ass. [She was a little too loud.]

Me: [Whispering a little] Does it hurt?

Jenny: (Still loud. She either wanted me to get over my embarrassment, brag so that other girls could hear, or she was stupid) At first it hurts, then you get used to it. Guys love it.

Me: How do we do it?

Jenny: Best way is with him on top like you are going to have regular sex. Just ease into it, relax and pretty soon you’ll like it.

Me: Do you orgasm from it?

Jenny: Honey I orgasm when he touches my nipples! Anal is totally great! I love it now!

Incidentally, girls brag about how much their guy makes them orgasm. Then when they break up they say he was too small to induce any feeling whatsoever. This was true of Jenny.

Bud turned out to be all of the above to Jenny until the night before he got married and she came over and let him do her one last time.

I was very much interested into getting Dave off. He really didn’t do it for me but since I was going to marry him (this is true with all my boyfriends while I was dating them-“I’m going to marry this one for sure”), I figured eventually I would have an orgasm with him.

On the night we tried it, I was very nervous. Since we were not told by Bud or Jenny to use lube we didn’t have any, nor did we think we needed it.

The set up was really stupid. Very little foreplay. Just lots of kissing, some sucking and such. Then he asked if I was ready. I wasn’t, but I lied and nodded. It went in.

Oh, God that hurt!

I bit my lower lip and tried to endure the pain. Then he started to go in and out and it felt like I was going to take a huge dump on him.

I screamed, “Get it out! Get it Out! I’m going to take a shit on you!”

He quickly removed his penis from my ass and I sat up to see if there was any poop on him or on the bed. There wasn’t. I was surprised. I ran into the bathroom and sat on the toilet, nothing. I again was surprised.

After that Dave never attempted to enter my asshole again. In fact after that Dave barely attempted to enter me at all. I had a healthier sex life with my vibrator and my roommate’s porn collection.

After Dave I had another long term relationship with Jed. I was going to marry him too even if he was addicted to pot, coke, alcohol and-the worst of
all-Maxim magazine.

Jed was into S&M and loved having things like fingers and dildos shoved into his asshole. He swore me to secrecy; he thought people might think he was gay. So I did all these things to him, even bought a strap-on. And told everybody I knew. I thought it was extremely awesome that I got to fuck a guy with a strap on and I wanted all my friends to know about it.

Meanwhile, Jed begged me to let him do me up the ass.

He told me that Greek girls were supposed to like it up the ass. I guess all the Greek girls he knew only took it up the ass so they would still be virgins and wouldn’t get pregnant. (On a side note: He also thought we came from aliens and that he came up with the X-Files pilot and it was mysteriously stolen one night when he was distracted by the UFO outside his window—what? he was good in bed and could get good coke.)

I held him off for three years. He would show me porn where girls got it in the
ass and say “See how much she like’s it? Look at her cunt throbbing!”

I knew that her cunt wasn’t throbbing it was just moving cause a 10 inch dildo, strapped to another girls knee was being shoved in and out of her ass.

Then he’d show me others and say “Look at her face, isn’t that hot? She loves it.” The girl looked terrified and shocked. A look that I perfected and used during sex so that Jed would get really turned on and have to stop fucking me and eat me out for a while so he wouldn’t cum too fast. I love getting munched on.

Anyway, when our relationship was in trouble, I panicked. He was never going to marry me but I liked to fuck him and didn’t want that to stop. So I bought a butt plug.

Jed often suggested that I start out with a small plug, walk around with it in for a while, then put a larger plug in and walk around with that in for a while. He said then I should be stretched out enough for some anal action. I put it in and tried to walk.

It kept coming out and it was uncomfortable. I kept trying, but the damn thing kept falling out onto the floor and I had to pick it up and wash it then re-lube it, what a pain. I tried it with panties on and it just got my panties full of lube. So I abandoned this idea.

I watched some more videos and finally told Jed “Ok Yes, I’ll do it.” I made sure Jed was just back from the coke dealers house when I called. It was the easiest way to get him to come over. Overjoyed, he told me he was coming to Chicago (he lived in another state) in a couple of days.

I panicked. I didn’t eat for a whole day and bought an enema. I wanted to be clean and thought it was like a douche. I had no shit to shit out from not eating, so the enema liquid just trickled out for a while. Pretty gross.

I washed and shaved like ten times before his arrival. I had to shave my asshole. I have no idea if there is hair there, but since I have tons of it everywhere else, I
must have it there, so I shaved it. I don’t stare at my asshole in a mirror like some people do.

So Jed arrived. And I thought “Oh shit!” He bought some stupid toys on the way and showed them to me. He was pretty high on coke. That’s what he does when anything having to do with the ass is involved. Actually that’s what he does when anything having to do with sex is involved.

I got stoned on weed (I had stopped using coke during sex because all I want to do is talk and all he wants to do is shove his dick in my mouth to shut me up) and we began.

He played with my ass and used the butt plug a few times. He was giddy-almost childish. I faked a few moans-I was stoned it wasn’t that unpleasant. Then it was time. He put so much lube on his dick I think he used the whole bottle.

“Don’t worry babe, I bought a few more bottles.”
He was smug and had this dominator look on his face that I always found so hot. But then, I didn’t think it was so hot cause he was about to enter my pooper.

He slid it in, really, really slow. I made my shocked and surprised face and gasped and he came instantly. What the fuck? I had to go sit on the toilet and
experience the whole enema trickle again.

He apologized. “This never happens when I do a lot of coke, you know? But the look on your face was so hot!”

I was stoned so I just giggled and said it was ok. He then told me he should be back up and running in about five minutes for another go.

Another go? No way! He got his ass fuck and blew it-no more! That’s what my head said, but since the relationship was in trouble what came out of my mouth was: “OK, That was kinda nice.”

What a liar! So he poured another bottle of lube on his dick and slid it in again. This time he lasted about ten minutes. It still felt like I was taking a shit but I kept telling myself I wasn’t because I hadn’t eaten in like 48 hours and I was starving.

After five minutes of this I increased my moans and screamed a little to speed up the process. Then he was done.

“So did you like it?” he asked. I was in the bathroom on the toilet letting the cum ooze out of my ass and he was laying happily on the bed.

“Yeah, it wasn’t bad but I didn’t cum and I really prefer it the regular way.”

He laughed’ “Okay, no more of that. I’ll take care of you like you like it for the rest of my visit.” And he did. Then we broke up a few weeks later.

So, all in all, Ass fucking isn’t that bad. But I don’t have a prostate. So as good as it feels to men it really doesn’t do much for me. And I have a hard time believing that other girls like it.

Maybe next time I’ll try reading during anal sex. I’ve always wanted to revisit Jane Eyre.

25 Hot Responses to “Anal sense”

  1. 1
    jordan Says:

    i would love to get stoned with u and have fun ;]

  2. 2
    GoFrBroke Says:

    A thick cock that remains rock hard for at least 15 minutes with a minimal amount of lube after a warm shower will provide you with the necessary good experience.

  3. 3
    donald pasley Says:

    Hmmm, now that’s something? I ‘ve watched some anal scenes and from what I’ve witnessed: it’s not all that cracked-up-to-be! many wome do anal! (some for the extra benefits of pleasure or financial) But alot of women find it tooo harsh, and can be a intimidating faction of everyday relationships! People can either be turned on or off by it. Me? I don’t stress it too much from any woman, because it makes them feel of lesser value( from their figures, and everything women have to offer, and you want my asshole!!!!!!!)But it’s something I wouldn’t put any burden on. So if it didn’t feel right for you, don’t do it! But I enjoy everything else about you ms. lakehurst, so it is what it is. Holla next time! keeping it 100%

  4. 4
    mark Says:

    that was a very funny read, if you dont like it dont do it. i dont chat to women on pc,s at all and i dont like any porn stars they are very false. But OMG alix i saw the film with you and bunny an fell in love. you are gorgeous. i would marry you 2mor. hope to see more of you in future. your film with bunny is the only porn on my hard drive. bye babe. mark/wales/uk.xxxxx

  5. 5
    Mel Says:

    Okay, I stumbled across your site in this episode of low-self-esteem-“I hate my body” panic trying to google women with measurements similar to mine and assuage my fears of unattractive disproportionate dumpiness…(incidentally, my boobs are a bit smaller but otherwise we measure pretty close and you look totally confident and sexy so, deep breath, I’m fine) somehow ended up on your anal attempts blog laughing, appropriately, my ass off. So awesome. Namaste.

  6. 6
    Jim Says:

    I expect some of your problem with anal sex is tied to the whole poo thing. Understandable, but its the kind of thing that can be overcome. A lot of women have similar issues with semen and I know it took me a little while to get used to eating out a woman.

    But that as you konw, that is not the whole issue.
    The big issue is the pain. If you ever try anal sex again, it should be with a man who actually knows how to initiate a woman, not some joker who doesn’t know to use lube or whose nose is full of coke.

    Trouble is…. it seems like you tend to be attracted to jerks and as long as that is the kind of man you are in bed with, you are unlikely to have an enjoyable experience in your ass.

    I’ve been penetrated anally and find it to be pleasant in a way that is only vaguely sexual. I know some of this is a result of having a prostrate, but I think it also simply feels good.

    But if I add direct stimulation of my penis while being penetrated, the combination is very intense.
    This is almost surely a by-product of the effect on my prostate.

    If you can relax and simply feel the sensations during anal sex and set aside an agenda to “get off”, you may (or may not) find that it is a pleasant change of pace. One thing is for sure, I don’t think you have given anal sex a real chance because you were with men who were ill equipped to introduce you to it.

  7. 7
    Alix Says:

    Good point Jim, I did like jerks. I think most women and most men go through a “chasing” or “nurse” phase. I liked to chase the guys and wanted to fix them. It took me a while before I became tired of chasing and realized I couldn’t fix anyone. Not to mention the fact that I had to fix myself.

    But this story wasn’t about my problems with men, it was about my problems with anal.

    It felt like I was taking a shit. Considering the guy I did it with and his ability to make me cower and freak out at the slightest thing, I had good reason to be afraid that I did indeed shit on his dick. But I didn’t and I gritted my teeth to get through with it.

    I wasn’t looking for sexual pleasure, I was trying to please him. He was the one who wanted me to get off. I just wanted to make him happy which was my very dysfunctional way of getting off with him.

    A while ago I was with a couple who wanted me to pleasure the woman. While I fucked her in the vagina her husband fucked her in the ass. I used a dildo and she squirted. It was fascinating and I wanted to do it myself. I don’t squirt and have been told that women can do it while being penetrated anally–sometimes. So yeah I’m going to try it again, soon. And you can bet I wont do it with an asshole.

  8. 8
    C Krunch Says:

    Not all guys are crazy about doing anal. For me, it was “What’s the big deal?”. I think that the vagina is the “perfect” place for a dick!

  9. 9
    Scott Says:

    Hi Alix,

    I love your website, and been a big fan of yours for years. I think you’re so deliciously curvy and love all your works. Wowsers!

    I think sometimes I feel like a stranger in a strange land, because I don’t like anal or have any interest. I’m a black male, and apparently it’s supposed to be what we love. *LOL* And I’ve tried it, and honestly, it’s not something I’ve enjoyed doing nor having done to myself. All the lubrication or 420 in the world isn’t going to make me ignore that I have something stuck up my ass.

    And honestly, what’s wrong with not enjoying that? I love pussy, always have, and always will. I’ve gotten many women to squirt for the first time, usually with only my fingers, tongue, and some elbow grease.

    I think squirting is more about comfort, and your mental state of mind. I’ve gotten women to squirt, after we’ve worked on it together, and she was most relaxed, and willing to mentally let go. So probably anal sex, I’ve found is more mentally arousing for a lot of people, than physically arousing.

    Plus, it is kinda gross, and the smell of shit has never added anything to coitus for me. *LOL*
    I have tried it, both giving and receiving, but it’s not my bag. And society at large can rave about how “nasty” it is, but I love pussy! Everyone has an asshole, but we chase women for that, more than anything else. I know I’ve yet to run out of interest in that orifice.

    Everyone likes to make the argument that “no one has done it right with you”, and I think that’s bullshit. (no pun intended) I knew after a couple times that it wasn’t my cup of tea. And I’ve yet to have someone jump out of bed because I wouldn’t stick my BBC up her ass. Some were actually relieved, *LOL*.

    I’ll end with a quote that maybe a little much, but sums up my opinion of society’s views on subjects i don’t agree on.

    “It’s no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”

    All that from an anal sex blog….*LOL*

  10. 10
    Abbey Says:

    Hi Alix!

    I love your site… and your story… wow! Great!
    Keep working like that.
    I wish you fun and success.

    Thank you.

  11. 11
    Peter Says:

    Hi Alix,

    I love when you talk about poo, it really turns me on. The thought of you taking a huge dump is very erotic.

    Kisses,
    Peter

  12. 12
    mr Says:

    Some people dig it, some don’t. I don’t. I hate watching porn where the guy is doing the girl and then pulls it out and stick it in her ass. No good!

    I had a past girlfriend convince me to try it once when we were exceedingly drunk. We gave up in like 10 min. I don’t see the hype.

  13. 13
    Sneaks Says:

    Great article; it seems like no one really wants to hear how women actually feel about anal sex, so thank you for being awesome.

    I previously had no desire to do it with any partner up until my most recent one, who had no experience with it either. (I will say, practicing anal when you’re completely ready with someone you trust makes a world of difference.) While I don’t think I could ever orgasm from anal, or at least anal alone, I have found a few ways to make it a bit more enjoyable:
    A) All of your muscles are much more relaxed if you have orgasmed right before (as much as possible!).
    B) If you’re a vagina-girl like me, which seems to be the case, using a vibrator during can be really interesting. I have been told that it also feels really nice for whoever’s got the penis you’re using because the vibrations go right through you.
    C) I find watching my partner’s reaction to be the biggest turn-on about the whole thing. I don’t like to imply that pleasing your man should be a deciding factor for having anal sex, but since a large number of women (myself included) do it primarily for their partners enjoyment, it only makes sense to include it.

    Anyway, the whole issue is blown way out of proportion. It isn’t the end-all of sex acts, and you’re not weird or prude-ish if you don’t enjoy it. You’re just more aware of what you do want/need sexually and that’s never really a “bad” thing.

    (By the way, I just sort of stumbled onto this site while using my boyfriend’s computer while he’s at work; I’m proud to say that he has good taste 😉 )

  14. 14
    milo Says:

    ok alix, maybe ur one of the many greeks who don’t like to grab the olive oil and say opa! But the thought of gently tapping ur lovely greek shitpipe is so cock hardening u have me beating off at the thought of it… damn u girl! 😛

  15. 15
    Jared J Says:

    that’s so funny, cause I hate anal too! I don’t like seeing it in my porn (straight-vaginal is hot enough), and as much as I love big women and big asses, I’m never like “I wanna put this in there”, lol. not all guys like it, or at least me. 😎

  16. 16
    domninik Says:

    Dear Alix, next try with no dope or any artifice. I have been initiated young by 2 lesbians that remain my friend for years.Since I had many lesbians gf (they past the word to each other:”you can get multi orgasm & no pussy pounding w: him”) I must say most of them loved anal BUT(T)never ask or force “wait for the girl to ask for it” it will comme. One (nikky still my friend married 3 kids comme to fuck me once in a while)
    It took 3 month of great fuck exib puss/clit liking with rim kiss tang slight insert (and she was doing it to her lesbie gf & next day report to me how it was)
    Started w one li’l finger in ass while orgasm blowing from clit liking, then medium finger then thumb, then 2 fingers plus 2 in pussy “around G” right behind clit …Then one eve she moan my nome & “come in my ass PLEASE” so I kissed her ass hole as her mouth tang inside nipples (left one very sensitive)& slowly slide the tip of my dick in her ass & satyed with not a move, then out then in carressing clit then she say “it so good” I did the in out slow until half dick got in … Then she’d ORDER go on break my fucking ass & she marturbate like crazy skirt for the first time “pull me out ” fall on the side & yeld :’I never had it so good” since then she become an ass freak but with “method” she do not take it in ass “anyhow” her gf where her “slaves” she still thank & joke about this very special first time in the ass. I have 7 major (different) but similar happening, also 3 other that tell :”it’s not my thing pussy lik and finger fuck is so much better” So Dearest Alix I would love to “kiss your ass” I come regularly to US should I call yu ? All the best you, deserve it. Tou really have a writer talent maybe your next goal ?

  17. 17
    DickSwells Says:

    I hated it… I got a nervous long time performer of the video world to teach me and she lost it as I pulled out.. Gross! Stick to the love button….

  18. 18
    blake Says:

    i go to class with you. dont stress it though, ill keep it between you and me and no body needs to know.

  19. 19
    Chup@Cabra Says:

    I admit I haven’t read the whole article, but its not suprising that you don’t like anal sex.

    Despite what porn in general might make its viewers think, I don’t think that most women in ‘real life’ like it; from what I have read/heard it can be uncomfortable (although gay men get stimulation to the prostate, which may account for their enjoyment).

    On a completely unrelated topic, did anyone ever tell you that you resemble a Pleasingly Plump Alyson Hannigan [‘Willow’ from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, among other things :mrgreen: )?

  20. 20
    Jeff Says:

    Hey alix, it’s all about choice, do what makes you happy. Some of the gals I have been with its a mixed reaction. Some like it, and like yourself claim the experience the same way you have, they didn’t prefer it. some liked it the odd time, which was a different experience to shake things up in our relationship.

    Keep up the blogs, very interesting reading!

  21. 21
    Nick Says:

    Alix,

    You are by far my favorite web personality; have been for a few years now. I just found your site today, and I’m so glad to find something with substance. All I had been able to find in the past were pics and videos. Don’t get me wrong – I love your work! But being able to read what you’ve written helps me to know you a bit.

    I don’t really understand why some guys feel such a need to pound a woman anally – I don’t do it with my girl, and we have a fantastic sex life without it. However, I do kiss her there, and she loves it! Has anyone done that to you? If the woman is fresh and clean, the taste and scent are not what you think. Once you get used to the idea, I’, sure you will enjoy it – Every woman I’ve been with has!

    Also – this is not really my business, but I’m going to say it anyway. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop doing coke! I’ve watched so many people ruin there lives on it. It is a sneaky addiction, but once it gets you, you’ll never get over it. You seem like a pretty normal, nice girl, and I am hoping that I can continue to enjoy you vicariously for years to come. Think about it!

    Thanks for everything!

    -Nick

  22. 22
    Drew Says:

    No so bothered with the penetration, but I LOVE playing with a womans bottom and anus.

    😀

  23. 23
    FJ Says:

    You’re not obligated to like anal. One of the best sexual experiences I had was with a woman who didn’t like to give head. She may have mentioned it once that she may in a threesome. But she didn’t go down on me but I did on her and loved it. And the sex is still something I think of because she’s that good. And for me it was all about her pleasure. Because that’s what turns me on and makes me hard. And that goes for all women. If I was him, I would want you to tell me you don’t like it so I could concentrate on what gets you off.
    When
    I do have to mention that I like the fact you smoke. Always wanted to have a woman sit on my face while smokin an El. That’s what I wanna do. Forget anal.

  24. 24
    karl dick Says:

    would you ever consider doing a guy in the ass with a strap on?

  25. 25
    Cesar Vizcaya Says:

    I want have sex wi alix lakehurst

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