Sometime in the 80’s, I remember the junior high boys laughing about reports of Richard Gere sticking gerbils up his butt. I believed it of course, but I believed everything back then. Visualizing cute little gerbils biting the inside of Gere’s butt hole freaked me out. I also wondered how they could breathe. The thought of them covered in shit didn’t come until further contemplation followed by vomit. Imagining that they probably died made me angry and birthed my overwhelming hate for Richard Gere. Coming to the realization that this was an urban legend and that Gere most likely wouldn’t have to resort to gerbils (he could probably get a small woman to willingly climb inside his asshole if he wanted), only made him somewhat tolerable. But I still had the icky image in my head and came to the conclusion that Gere was creepy and most likely had really nasty breath.

A friend used to tell stories about having to rush her boyfriend to the emergency room because she lodged a dildo up his ass and couldn’t get it out. We never tired of that story and cringed while taking shots of vodka. I believed her. I still do. I’ve stuck many a dildo up human male ass and luckily none got stuck. I do wonder how that happened. I’ve never shoved the whole dildo into an asshole. The friend’s boyfriend must have wanted to see if she could get it into his large intestine. It must have felt good (at first? throughout? until it got stuck?).  She was a bit sadistic, but he was a 200 pound black man and she was maybe 150lbs, white and southern. I like to think the southern in her played a big part.

Many of my friends, mostly male but a few female, talk of the glorious dumps they have had in the past and how they wish every dump could be the same. I don’t even like to think about dumping. Being in this business I have heard about fecal joys during sex, chocolate gifts and hot carls on heaving chests. I just assume those people have no aversion to the stink or the, ugh, taste. But I like to keep an open mind and if I have to see it I want to be behind three panes of protective glass wearing a hazmat suit and a gas mask infused with lavender flowers. Then I think it could be somewhat pleasant and funny to watch.

A few years back, I dated a director in training/screenplay writer. He wrote and I cleaned it up which usually meant an entire re-write. We met up with an ex-enforcer of the mob who wanted to be the next Nicholas Pilleggi. Our strong arm employed us to write a screen play about John Wayne Gacy. He would get the funding by, I’m assuming, cutting off fingers and breaking knees. To Chicago, Gacy is one of our morbid celebrities. I know where he used to live because many boyfriends liked to drive by the old house site/grave site to show off that they grew up somewhat close to it (anywhere from 3 to 50 miles away). I have to admit I was impressed. It was only a horror movie in my head. I never saw any of the news reports or really even knew what he did. Until now. I read at least five books about this clown painting, boy torturing, psycho and had nightmares for years. I still do. Along with the books, our friendly ex-con had obtained police photos and reports of the crime scene, police excavation and Gacy tools of torture. What bothered me the most? The photo of the 18 inch dildo. It looked like it was three feet long and a foot thick. It scared me and when I saw the photos of the boys he used it on I cried. I had to drink a lot and do much needed cocaine to forget.

Nothing ever happened with the script, mostly because it was written on cocaine.

With that horror behind me, I can once again embrace my things-in-the-colon obsession. However much I like to lick assholes, finger them or dildo them, I’ve never been a fan of having my butt hole touched fingered or intruded. I get at least two requests a night on ImLive for anal even though it states in my profile that I don’t probe mine with anything. I’ll show it off and maybe touch it a little but nothing goes in. My webcam enthusiasts most likely don’t read my profile. Just seeing my boobs probably draws them in thinking with such a huge chest I must shove cucumbers in my anal cavity many times daily. I don’t even buy cucumbers.

My favorite request was to shove a 2 liter up my ass. I asked him how I was supposed to do this. And he said to oil it up. He never cautioned me to keep the cap on to prevent the open end from attaching itself to my colon wall with suction. I wondered how many shit covered Pepsi and Colt 45 bottles he had laying around his house. I refused and he whined. He asked me to use a banana and I told him I only eat those. “not even a cucumber? Please? Pretty please” No I said. “Fuck you cunt!” was his reply. I wonder if he fantasizes about being abducted by anal probing aliens?

I thought a 2 liter was impossible to shove up the rectum but I was wrong.

I read an article in Carnal Nation this morning and was able to satisfy my rectal infusion preoccupation for the rest of the year. Enjoy the links and remember to use tons of lube and keep the caps on the po(o)p bottles!

For some reason I couldn’t get on ImLive yesterday. That was scary. I thought I was in trouble again for giving out my FREE website address. This morning I checked and all is back to normal. Tonight I’ll be back on to greet all the virgins who want me to insult them.

Speaking of, these so called virgins are very rude! They curse at me when I refuse to insult them. I suppose virgins are allowed to curse but I think I would prefer my virgins to be a little more polite. Telling me I’m a fat cunt with big tits doesn’t really piss me off as much as it bores me.

I get a lot of webcams in my sessions. The majority of the time these guys aim the camera at their genitals. It’s either too dark or too hairy for me to see whats going on. When I first started, I mistook a penis for a thumb. I thought I was getting the thumbs up for being so cute. He wrote that I was cute and I just assumed. So I gave him the thumbs up too. Then he wrapped his hand around his thumb and I knew he just had a small bald dick that was curved and uncircumcised. I wasn’t too familiar with uncircumcised cocks. I laughed at myself and he of course thought I was laughing at him. He immediately left and went into my free chat and called me a bunch of names. I tried apologizing and telling him my mistake but that infuriated him more.

I was really new at the whole webcam thing. I had no idea that the picture would be so bad. I also had no clue that I would be getting so many cocks. ImLive is for exhibitionist men who want to see exhibitionist women. I have seen guys in front of cameras posed on their sides, hand supporting their heads, one leg up at an angle and grasping their cock. It’s the Teen Beat pose! I had posters of Rob Lowe, Kirk Cameron, Cory Haim and about 50 others all in that pose! Unfortunately my teen dreams were clothed and my cammed suitors were not.

I prefer to start with the face and eventually move down to the penis. Its common knowledge that I like to see a guy come and its an added bonus to a session. But beginning at the penis isn’t all that exciting as I suppose these dudes think it is.

A few days ago I had a guy in the midst of jerking off and frantically saying something over and over again. I think he was saying: “fuck those big titties, oh yeah, oh yeah, fuck those big titties”. I stared at him for a bit trying not to laugh. All he could see was my head and my cleavage. I didn’t show him my “titties”. It was a frenzied hand job slick with lube. He was panting and it looked like he was jumping up and down. It might have been hot with an intro but I don’t think these guys are too interested in what I have to say nor do they want me to see their faces.

When I immediately see a penis on a webcam I usually think two things: this guy is totally turned on by the thought of me seeing his thing and this guy thinks I’m disposable. The latter sounds sad but it’s not really. I usually hang up on them immediately.

I talk to people in free chat. I try to get to know them and joke around. It seems to make them respect me more and want to actually spend money on me. It isn’t recommended that we talk in free chat except to encourage sales. But I do it anyway. I’ll know what they like and what to expect.

Then of course, there is the perfect customer who spends at least 30 minutes with me and lets me decide if and when I get naked and if and when I masturbate. And my regulars always show me their faces if they have cams. They’re all gorgeous no matter what they think of themselves. And they have beautiful cocks!

I know some of you think I should ignore this guy, but I find it amusing to point out his stupidity. I mean, if you’re going to insult me at least do it with the proper vocabulary.

Comment from Chronic Master Bater:

You all GOT to be FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! Do any of you think she’d actually reply? Here??
The whole idea behind blog (especially ones like these) is for random idiots to SATISFY THEIR LATENT EGOS (”Look at me, mommy, I got a blog! Strangers actually read what I have to say!,)get their little bullshit 15 minutes and to get some kind of cyber-fame and dare I say, “cult following”.
Look at her links, especially her blog links! I’d still fuck this broad, but I think her ego along with anyone out there 1)posting, 2)blogging, or 3)otherwise milking every last drop of their 15 minutes of fame, won’t allow her to actually respond her OR to ANY type of personal contact.
What an egotistical HYPOCRITE!
This broad probably predictably still won’t post a reply here. Let’s play the wait and see game…..

I have great love for Chronic Master Bater! His stupidity is fantastic! He just can’t help but dig himself into a hole. I think his brain is seeping out of his penis due to his perpetual masturbation.

First, why would anyone want to play ” the wait and see game”? A game is supposed to be fun. If he wants to sit on his ass staring at my blog waiting for my response and masturbating to his imaginary genius, he can go right ahead.

Next: Latent definition:
Present but not visible, apparent, or actualized; existing as potential: latent ability.
Existing in  unconscious or dormant form but potentially able to achieve expression: a latent emotion.

The Master Bater’s assumption contradicts his claim that I am seeking fame. If bloggers had latent egos they wouldn’t blog. If I had a latent ego I wouldn’t post naked pictures. To satisfy my latent ego I think I would have to ignore it. However, my ego wouldn’t know it was being ignored because its latent. Therefore you can not satisfy a latent ego. Moreover, its impossible to have a latent ego.

It’s probably safe to say that this guy was too busy masturbating to get a high school diploma.

More: Since I am actually posting his comment and replying to it proves that he can’t predict shit. I spent every day 12 hours a day answering emails and comments for three years. I took a break recently and didn’t answer comments or emails. It just got to be too much. I doubt I’ll ever get back to answering like I used to but I am answering more now. This proves that I have personal relationships with people who read my blog.

I’m not even going to dive into his inability to use proper punctuation.

And “broad”? What is he 70 years old? Who uses “broad” anymore?

Finally, I doubt this guy would fuck me. I look nothing like the palm of his hand. And if that didn’t matter I doubt he could handle me.

This is the perfect example of someone who should really keep their mouth shut.

Blog comment from:

Chronic Master Bater
“I love how she can’t even post her replies here……
As for not fucking “fans”…..more egotism and hypocrisy……
I wouldn’t be surprised that she “took care of those guys” off-camera, isn’t that what a good whore does? I was a little surprised, because at first glance I had thought she meant she got some people to kick those BB guy’s asses…. Yeah, right.
But I digress, I love whores too!!!!
What I hate, and can NOT stand is a whore who acts (in public especially) like she’s NOT a whore……..Come on now, let’s cut the bullshit, people!
Maybe due to some kind of twisted logical imbalance in her brain, she thinks she’s too good to fuck “fans” or that it’s somehow “beneath her”…..
Let’s see her reply to this….If she dares……
Hahahahaha…….Boyfriend, schmoyfriend……What’s that got to do with anything since she strips in front of a webcam and hires herself out for print and video….?
Just an example of her sexual hypocrisy……You people really are stupid…..”

Chronic masturbating fucks up your spunk, I would be careful if I were you.

Oh man! So I’m a whore, who cares? I have never said I wasn’t a whore. As for prostitution, I fully support it and have no problem with anyone doing it. I, unfortunately don’t think I could mentally handle being a prostitute or an escort.

On a daily basis, I get emails asking me what my rates per hour are or if I am for hire. It makes sense that I would write about how I don’t escort. I considered it, mostly for the money and writing material, but I was too scared to actually do it. I guess I can blame that on the twisted logical imbalance in my brain. Saying that the twisted logical imbalance in my brain makes me think I’m too good to fuck fans doesn’t really apply to me, because I do fuck fans, just not for money. What I said was I don’t do videos with fans.

Wait, “twisted logical imbalance” doesn’t really make sense to me. Does it mean my twisted imbalance is logical? It is better to say my logic is twisted. Logical is an adjective. Basically this chicken choker is saying that my imbalance is logically twisted which makes no sense or he thinks I‘m smart for logically twisting my imbalance. I guess the weasel wacker is a mental midget who likes adjectives.

My brain hurts now.

I’m also not sure that having twisted logic is that bad. And most people are unbalanced. I guess this nut buster thinks he isn’t unbalanced and his logic is straight or even (the opposite of twisted). While I could say that it must be nice to have mental superiority over most of the population, I don’t think that’s the case since he’s incapable of using adjectives properly. But if he is mentally superior, it’s a wonder that he can relate to anyone.

The fact that I fuck fans and admit it completely disproves this hand job’s hypocrisy argument. I’m pretty honest in this blog and I don‘t remember ever saying I was too good to escort. Calling me a hypocrite only means he didn’t take the time to read more than the black bachelor post which was a satirical retort toward the rumors that surround the video. Including the claims that I have a boyfriend. The smart people understand that.

Why this walking wankathon bothers to make any criticisms is beyond me. It seems like a waste of time. What’s the point? Does he think I will pull my blog and sulk in the corner with my twisted logical imbalance? And what’s the purpose of saying “you guys are stupid”? Is he trying to spread his untwisted logic to my readers or insult them? Who knows? What I do know is that most likely this whore loving narcissistic hose choker will have another insulting comment for me after this.

What’s your other email address besides this one?”

Me: You know, I have a little prepared speech I tell my suitor when he wants more than I’d like to give him. Gee, blank, I had a really nice…

So what do you think about visiting? I’d love to give you a good pounding and spray my cum all over your face…….

You don’t deserve my fucking speech.

This email made my clit shrink in horror. The stud emailed me with this same message five times. I returned the email saying I wasn’t an escort and didn’t think I would be in New York any time soon. He replied saying he wasn’t a fan he just wanted to fuck me. This isn’t the way to go about it. I’m confused as to why he thinks I would go for this. I guess he just thinks I’m like the character I play in the Black Bachelor video.

At least he knows what he wants.

Back when I did S&M porn, I made men eat their sperm from condoms they wore while I fucked them. I personally don’t like my semen served cold, which it often was out of the condom. I prefer it straight from the source, warm and creamy. Suppressing my disgust, I would gladly feed the men their sperm with a smile plastered on my face. There was no prolonging thought or reflection about what I was doing and I haven’t thought about it since. Until Monday night.

Here is a transcript of my chat between two men on ImLive. I talk to chromehorse almost daily and we spend a lot of time in private making fun of the weird requests. Spending time in free chat is a time waster, but I enjoy it so I indulge the guests . Lex was new and foreign and wanted to engage in seminophagia. His fixation on eating sperm and anything else having to do with sperm didn’t bother me as much as his not knowing my name.

There were about 25 to 30 guys in my chat at the time so the conversation might seem a bit choppy but I’m sure you’ll get the gist. Everything bold is what was said outside for everyone else to see.

lex632goo(f) : hi how r u
lex632goo(f) : hi how r u
Alixxxxx : hi lex im good
lex632goo(f) : thats great where r u from
lex632goo(f) : alison can i ask u something?
chromehors99(f) : i didnt know ur name was alison
[private] To chromehors99(f) : its alixandra, where did you see alison
chromehors99(f) : les just typed it in
[private] To chromehors99(f) : les knows shit
chromehors99(f) : oops lex
[private] To lex632goo(f) : its alix lex ask anything
chromehors99(f) : i thought it was something like that
lex632goo(f) : thx  a lot, just for curious how old r u???
lex632goo(f) : alison have u ever seen a man eatig his own sperm?
Alixxxxx : yes i have lex
Alixxxxx : ive fed men their sperm
lex632goo(f) : and it exites u?
Alixxxxx : not really
lex632goo(f) : darling and theres something u wanna see using sperm?
Alixxxxx : i like to watch guys shoot
lex632goo(f) : m.. what do u mean shoot?? u mean see how the sperm fly???
Alixxxxx : yes i like to see the sperm fly
lex632goo(f) : alix btw where r u from
lex632goo(f) : darling if i show u how my sperm is shooted, theres something u want me to aim???
lex632goo(f) : theres something alison?
Alixxxxx : i usually like to see it shoot out and i never really had a target in mind but i suppose a bed board is always impressive
lex632goo(f) : u mean the sheeds or the wood
lex632goo(f) : tht thing
lex632goo(f) : besides the bedboard theres something else u want to see covered with sperm?
lex632goo(f) : alison do u have ya.ho??
Alixxxxx : i dont have a yahoo
chromehors99(f) : u liar
[private] To chromehors99(f) : why does he keep calling me alison?
[private] To chromehors99(f) : i told him my name was alix
chromehors99(f) : cause hes a moron
lex632goo(f) : msn or something ?
Alixxxxx : i dont normally give that out
lex632goo(f) : hehehe yes i know
lex632goo(f) : if u have the chance, add me, mine is lex632 of ho.tmai.l
lex632goo(f) : if u have the chance add me and i can show u … the bedboard with sperm
Alixxxxx : why cant you show me the bed board on here
lex632goo(f) : m… cose here im not a member, in deed i dont know how this page works hehehehe
[private] To chromehors99(f) : oh muther fucker what a bore
lex632goo(f) : alison beside the bedboard theres something else u wanna see with sperm???
chromehors99(f) : thats not how u spell mother
chromehors99(f) : whos a bore lex?
chromehors99(f) : oops
lex632goo(f) : lol.. i really dont know it hahahaha
chromehors99(f) : sorry hun
lex632goo(f) : alison are u from USA????
[private] To chromehors99(f) : did you do that outside?
[private] To chromehors99(f) : careful
Alixxxxx : yes i am from the us
chromehors99(f) : i know thats why i said im sorry
lex632goo(f) : good, so beside the bedboard theres something else???? that wanna see wtih cum?
chromehors99(f) : somebody left and u werent highlighted anymore
chromehors99(f) : i didnt mean to
[private] To chromehors99(f) : dont worry he seems oblivious
[private] To chromehors99(f) : i dont care i wish he would go away
chromehors99(f) : u can beat me later
[private] To chromehors99(f) : i plan on it
lex632goo(f) : alison so what do u say? can u add me???
chromehors99(f) : he does seem oblivious cause he commented right after i wrote it
Alixxxxx : i usually only add people who come on here and buy a show lex
lex632goo(f) : i see
chromehors99(f) : and that dont call u alison
lex632goo(f) : alison and how old r u
Alixxxxx : its Alix and Im 29
chromehors99(f) : r u fibbing again
[private] To chromehors99(f) : why should i tell him my age
lex632goo(f) : haha sorry and tell me are u single or married?
[private] To chromehors99(f) : i should tell him that im married with 14 kids
chromehors99(f) : go for it and im ur husband
lex632goo(f) : so tell me alix can u add me? to show u the bedboard with sperm???
lex632goo(f) : lex632 of ho.tmai.l   and do u have bf????
lex632goo(f) : i want to be ur friend alison
Alixxxxx : i dont have hotmail sweetie
lex632goo(f) : do u have something???
Alixxxxx : lex where are you from
lex632goo(f) : from mx why????
[private] To chromehors99(f) : i am such a softie i should have blocked him a while ago
Alixxxxx : just curious
chromehors99(f) : wants ur yaahoo and hot mail he really wants u
Alixxxxx : you should get some credit so you can show me on here
lex632goo(f) : and after that will u give me ur private mail?
Alixxxxx : we are not allowed to do that lex
lex632goo(f) :
lex632goo(f) : even u fall in love with me?
chromehors99(f) : now what does he want
lex632goo(f) : lol…
lex632goo(f) has left the chat.
Alixxxxx : ok hes gone
Alixxxxx : that was enough for ALISON!!!!
chromehors99(f) : i told u he wants u

But he did come back

lex632goo(f) : alice do u have bf?
Alixxxxx : i do have a bf
chromehors99(f) : now its alice
[private] To chromehors99(f) : FUCK!
lex632goo(f) : i see
lex632goo(f) has left the chat.

I really felt bad for this guy, but I don’t like beggars and no matter how entertaining this dialogue was, it made me no money. Lex seemed to speak English very well yet he obviously couldn’t understand it nor could he remember my name. This was apparent when not only chromehorse but another guest answered one of my comments regarding Lex outside the private chat and lex didn’t react. I hate being called Alice, Al, Ali, Alexis and every other variation of Alix you can imagine. It’s just Alix, remember that next time you want to chat or email me.

Come visit me at ImLive and please pay for a show don‘t just observe. Hurry, because after the 15th I’m raising my rates. I’ll be on again Thursday night.

For the last month I’ve been working on ImLive again. After a long absence, I have to start at the bottom again and re-establish my fan base. Many of my customers came back and were excited to see me but I do need more to pay the bills.

It’s not an easy job. People are curious, wondering why a job where I masturbate all day is hard. Most of these wonderers are men. A show usually lasts around five minutes and a large part of it is introduction. That’s not enough time for me to get off.

Many times guys ask me for certain things that I wont do. Even if my clothes are off and I’m spread eagle in front of the camera they immediately leave the room. Anal is the top deal-breaker for most men. I find it very rude but, as my mother would say, the whole idea of ImLive is rude.

I don’t call my guests baby (or bb in IM language) and I don’t talk in a breathy voice. I am me and talk like the somewhat adult I am and am willing to “get to know” the person cause I’m just curious that way. Also, I hate baby talk or sexy talk. I think its sexier to be yourself then some wanton sex pet that will bend and twist while shoving cucumbers up her ass.

What I find most curious is the amount of humiliation pervs who frequent the site. They want me to yell at them and mostly tell them how small and funny looking their dicks are. I still stand by embracing fetishes as long as they don’t involve children and animals. Yet, I wonder what childhood trauma causes these guys to want me to laugh at them. Unfortunately for them, I don’t care enough to find out. But they beg and plead and sometimes insult me in order to get me to do what they desire. It does provide humorous reading material for the other guests in the free chat area. I usually private message the regulars while the whole discussion about small penis’ is going on. We laugh and make fun of these dumb asses and I get suggestions of what to respond back.

Whats worse is when they want me to…well, read the following chat from last night:

smalldickbitch(p) : hi im 21 virgin can u order me to die in prvt
[private] To smalldickbitch(p) : why?
smalldickbitch(p) : look do u care if i die
smalldickbitch(p) : so do u care if i die
[private] To smalldickbitch(p) : kinda, I mean I don’t know you but I don’t really want you to die
smalldickbitch(p) : why ya ugly bitch with big tits now do u care if  i die
smalldickbitch(p) : well do u care stil?
Alixxxxx : are you fucking kidding me?
Alixxxxx : not really?
smalldickbitch(p) : so can i die in prvt and u insult me?
Alixxxxx : go sit on a sword for all i care
smalldickbitch(p) : u ready for prvt
Alixxxxx : no cause i dont give a shit, so whats the point?
smalldickbitch(p) : insult me
smalldickbitch(p) : laugh at me i cum in a trash can
smalldickbitch(p) : so u ready for prvt
smalldickbitch(p) : u ready now for prvt
smalldickbitch(p) : so can i see u in prvt
[private] To smalldickbitch(p) : i don’t do humiliation
[private] To smalldickbitch(p) : it bores me
smalldickbitch(p) : can u just do it to me plzzzz
[private] To smalldickbitch(p) : if you pay me
smalldickbitch(p) : in prvt ready
smalldickbitch(p) : in prvt now?
[private] To smalldickbitch(p) : i’ll just giggle
smalldickbitch(p) : so can u be nasty or not really
[private] To smalldickbitch(p) : not really, i’m too nice and not a very good actress
smalldickbitch(p) : fuck u then change ya name
smalldickbitch(p) : be  nasty

It might seem a little confusing, I was talking to a bunch of other people also who were like WTF. I honestly don’t know what to say to these guys and wish I was a bit more savvy in that respect. I blocked him after this. I can’t be nasty unless I already have a “relationship” with the person. It really does just make me giggle. And I don’t like that he wanted me to wish him dead. Maybe I’m soft but that doesn’t turn me on. He’ll just have to find another girl to live out his fantasy.

If you want to see me on ImLive, click on the link to the right and sign up. I’ll be on every night except Friday and Saturday, starting at 8-ish until 1am-ish cst.