Last night Netflix was in the mailbox. The movie inside was Thinking XXX. I’m not a big documentary fan and it seemed to center around the photography of Timothy Greenfield-Sanders. Sanders is a famous photographer that I’ve never heard of. I only pay attention to fashion photography and there are so many photographers out there today that I can’t keep up. I could really care less who makes George Bush look smarter or who captures Nicole Kidman’s inner sadness. The photos I saw in the movie were really good and I wouldn’t mind getting my picture taken by him, but I’m not important enough so I’ll have to put that on my never going to happen list.

Here’s my thoughts on the movie:

Nina Hartley talks way too much. But I want to meet her. She has a lot to say and it all made sense. I did not want to meet her husband the same time as she showed us their play room which was fully equip with whips, latex costumes and contraptions to hang upside down from. At least they still have a healthy sex life. Nina is really great looking for her age but the thought of her hanging upside-down giving her husband with a BJ just makes me think of seeing my parents do it. I want my parents to do it and I hope they do but I really don’t want to know about it. I’d rather see it in he movies. What was really great was that she let us watch her lift weights and do tricep dips in a thong and topless. Her European trainer doesn’t mind that she prefers to workout in the nude. Oh those Europeans! She was great!

Jesse Jane was adorable but her boobs knocked me off the couch and it hurt! She needs to be careful with those things! She worked out for us too but kept her clothes on. Jesse Jane looks like the “Girls Next Door” at the Playboy mansion. Plastic with white hair and super tits. I half expect her boobs to be hard like a Barbie doll’s. She probably wouldn’t feel it if my dog chewed them off. She’s cute and at least she admitted to getting all the plastic surgery done to her. She also admitted liking the attention.

Gina Lynn was very prominent in the movie too. I kept wanting to brush her hair. Great ass! But that hair! Wow! It had multiple personalities. Neat because I love everything out of the ordinary but I was a bit confused. At one point Gina was sitting with her husband and he said that he always wanted to be in Hustler and that he finally was. She added that he was in it with her. Might have stole his thunder a bit because he definitely did not get the Hustler spread on his own. Gina then confesses that she and her husband don’t always have sex every week because sometimes after having sex a bunch of times during the day she’s just too sore when she gets home. Poor husband guy. Gina is one I would like to meet too. She said that women should wait until they are at least 21 before they get into the business. She added that most 18 year olds come in, do a movie then leave and think it’s the worst thing they’ve ever done. She may be right there. To add my own two cents and to support the stereotype, it seems that 18 year olds who have been abused seem to stay longer. Most likely because they think they aren’t good at anything else. But I’m not writing a term paper here so on to the next one.

Tera Patrick was very impressive. She’s married to some tattooed monstrosity named Evan Seinfeld. He was on VH1’s Supergroup with Ted Nugent and the Skid Row drunk guy Sebastian Bach. Tera Patrick shows up on the show Supergroup and poses with Sebastian’s wife. All hell breaks loose cause everyone gets a hard on and Sebastian gets mad and drunk. Anyway, Tera, despite having fake tits is naturally beautiful and I prefer her without all the makeup. Regarding her personal life she admits that she probably disappointed her husband because she doesn’t really like to get freaky. She likes it missionary and not 4 hours long despite what she does on film. Somehow I don’t think her husband minds. He was a monstrosity but a cute monstrosity. Without all the tattoos, Evan is the type of guy I like to go for.

Jenna Jameson was the most talked about yet she talked the least. I guess she figures she’s said enough. (I think) Sunrise Adams was so excited to work with Jenna that after her first scene she declared she was never going to wash her face again because it had Jenna juice all over it. That’s awesome! So Marsha Brady and Davey Jones! She could have sold it on eBay! Jenna is absolutely beautiful and I can’t wait to start reading her book. I have two books to read before hers.

Savanna Samson took my breath away. She’s like the new version of Shannon Tweed. Stunning! I’m not into blonds but I like her and want her juice on my face. Maybe I am into blonds. She was real too. Not huge tits but real ones. It’s good to see that.

Chloe, the orgasm face of the century, looks good. She was one of those girls I couldn’t get enough of. My favorite part of porn is watching the girls faces when they cum and hers is the best! I used to rewind it over and over just to get off as many times as I could until I got too sore to continue.

Ginger was cute but only on for about a minute. What’s up with that? I would think she’d have much more to say than Gina Lynn and Jesse Jane. I guess with the new wave of porn stars the producers thought we wouldn’t care what Ginger had to say as much as we cared about what the hair and tits had to say. Disappointing! Ginger dated Charlie Sheen for Christ’s sake! She was one of the first, if not the first to get royalties. In the film she says she feels insecure with her clothes on in front of a camera but as soon as they come off she’s ready to go. Hello! Huge opportunity to get into the minds and insecurities of porn stars. It makes total sense to dig deeper into that. But all of a sudden we are looking Jesse Jane in a pool talking about how much she likes attention.

Christy Canyon looked fantastic. This is the only movie that you can view Christy on at MrSkin. I remember after the EP got the stills from this movie he sent me a picture of Christy next to a picture of me and said the resemblance was uncanny. Best compliment I got from him all year. (The “best sex ever” was from the year before). Unfortunately they didn’t spend a lot of time on Christy either. She said that women get into porn now so they can make more money as strippers later and that when she was starting out it was completely different. She goes on to say that she was broke and 18 when she started and didn’t think she had many choices at the time. I cover much more in my interview and I’m sure you will all be happy with what I wrote.

I was surprised to see Sharon Mitchell. She looked great after being such a drug addict for so many years. I expected her to be manlier and not as pretty but she was extremely beautiful. Here is another prime example of a strong woman in porn that the producers of the film completely ignored. She really turned her life around, got her degree and helps people with AIDS.

I was very happy to see Peter North! There were a few other men stars but I can’t remember their names. I’ll add more later when I get home along with links. Some of the guys were uncircumcised which fascinates me. I’ve never been with an uncircumcised guy. I’m intrigued. Plus they were huge! Big like the EP!

Overall, Thinking XXX was OK. If you want to see some of the most beautiful women in porn naked, not having sex and talking a it about themselves than this is for you. But if you want to learn something new about the porn industry if any of these stars then you might want to see if they wrote any books.This is only my opinion and not a reflection of how I feel personally about these girls, but it seems that despite the notoriety of this photographer, the importance of the new porn stars seemed to dominate the documentary. Cute as they are I would think that a renowned photographer would want to hear more from the women who made the business what it is today. There was also no yesterday vs. today commentary, which is so apparent in the appearance of these girls. This movie should have been a special feature to the book and not an actual movie. A free gift with the 1st 1000 copies sold or something.

Next up:

Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy
Inside Deep Throat
Pornography: Disc 1

This is my sad attempt at reviewing a movie: I’m no Roger Ebert, but the links are fun

I opened an account at netflix a few weekends ago. I ordered a bunch of Michelle Bauer movies. I’m pretty fascinated by Michelle Bauer. I saw her in Cafe Flesh which is masterpiece! I recommend it highly if you haven’t seen it already. I’ll talk more about Cafe Flesh and how many of my boyfriends got me naked while watching it with me in a later post.

The first Michelle Bauer movie I got in the mail was Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfolds. This movie was pretty impossible to watch and coming from me that’s pretty amazing. Fred Olen Ray directed this bogus tit flick probably with a blindfold on. I like Fred’s movies most of the time. They look like fun and I always wish I was part of the set crew when I watch them. But something went wrong here.

The movie begins with all the promise of greatness and I was excited to spend the next 90 minutes wasting my time watching boobies popping out all over the place. The opening titles were scored with a cheesy sci-fi track over a crazy cloud filled background. Classic! It was going to be better than I imagined. But then the credits lasted too long way too long. A whole cigarette length long! Finally, people appear. They are in a science lab. Dr Lindstrom (John Lazar-This is my happening and it freaks me out!), Dr Joyce Mann (Michelle Bauer), and Dr Eric Kramer (George Stover). They inject something into a rat and it becomes huge. Oh my God!

The next scene is a photo shoot with 2 blonds and a redhead in bikini’s. J.J. North plays Angel the lead babe. Angel is sweet with pretty sour fake tits. Hot but I’m more into natural boobs. I think even small natural oobs are better than fake ones. The only good thing fake tits do is look better in a sweater. Once the sweater comes off it’s all over. This is coming from a girl who never had to worry about her boobs being too small. I’m no an expert when it comes to too small booby trama. But I do know that having big ones isn’t alwys fun and games. I can’t run at all! I would have to wear three bras if I decided to be in a marathon. There are a lot of problems with big boobies-read my booby story!

Inga played by Raelyn Saalman has nice natural titties. A bit small for me but nice tan lines babe! And UGH! Betty played by Tammy Parks has to have the worst fake boob job I’ve seen since that fake boob move where Ross from Friends plays the fake boob doctor and is confronted by some poor chick whose boobs got all lumpy and gross! (Who was that? I had to watch that nad count the tits in that. Can you imagine. There is this whole montage of boobs talking at the end and I had to figure out how many of them there were by paying attention to their clothing. I promise to do a whole linking post on that movie when I get home.) Betty’s really pretty otherwise but she has that weird Tori Spelling Canyon cleavage problem. Her cleavage is shaped like a disfigured U. I’m not very articulate tonight sorry.

AW! Fuck this! The chicks get really and big flop their boobs all over LA. Superwoman comes and saves them with the super antidote ray. The geeky photographer gets Angel in the end. The nasty photographer gets Betty but she blows up. The fake Hefner, owner of the fake mag Playthings, gets a huge tranquilizer dart shot into his ass but is saved by Inga because she’s ok and has real boobs. And I spit on Fred Olen Ray for not getting Nikki Fritz or Michelle Bauer naked! Shame Shame!

That sucked you guys! I’m sorry! Here look pussy licking!

History of my perversion…well a part of it.

Every time I was in a stressful or uncomfortable situation my brain would automatically go to sex. The earliest memory of this is being in school, probably grade school-old enough to know about sex but younger than menstruation. I was being scolded by a teacher, a very unattractive man teacher. I was a rebellious child. I think this scolding was when I beat up some kid for making fun of my overdeveloped chest. He called me socks and I beat the shit out of him. Anyway, sitting in the office after seeing the very embarrassed father of the kid I just beat up (devastated that his son sexually harassed a girl and she beat him up), I was being reprimanded by the principal and all the stress and confusion was too much for me. My mind went blank for a minute then all of a sudden I thought of him touching me. Touching my new size 32B bra with the pink bow on it. I tried really hard to stop thinking about it. But pushing that out of my head only led me into thinking about him taking his pants off and letting me play with him. Touch it and kiss it. Then he said something to the effect of “we are sorry that this boy was improper with you, but you should have come to us sooner before you decided to (rip his face apart). You have detention for a week.” I then realized that I wasn’t wrong for beating the kid up. I also realized that they were letting me off easy because I did in fact ask them form help and they did nothing. But because I had those naughty thoughts I forgot to say anything and just left. I never went to detention. I knew I didn’t have to.

Throughout my life I dealt with these uncomfortable situations by imagining being naked with whoever I was with. It never happened with my friends or family. It only happened with people in authority. I remember getting a ticket and being in court imagining giving the judge a blow job underneath his desk as he told me to go to driving school. I thought it several times with school counselors, therapists and college art teachers. Many of them women. I thought I was a sinner. They tell you in Sunday School that evil thoughts are sins too. But I am a rebel and I went immediately to porn. And it’s probably why I am here today. I’d also like to add that in my adolescence I had this weird fear that people could read my mind and the subject of my sinful thought knew somehow what I was thinking. Ha! Weirdo!

I don’t have thoughts like that much anymore since I finally have an outlet for my sexual frustration. It’s much more fun and rewarding than sitting across the desk of some unattractive victim of my perversion. I wonder if they knew that we could be naked.