Jim: I expect some of your problem with anal sex is tied to the whole poo thing. Understandable, but its the kind of thing that can be overcome. A lot of women have similar issues with semen and I know it took me a little while to get used to eating out a woman.

But that as you know, that is not the whole issue.
The big issue is the pain. If you ever try anal sex again, it should be with a man who actually knows how to initiate a woman, not some joker who doesn’t know to use lube or whose nose is full of coke.

Trouble is…. it seems like you tend to be attracted to jerks and as long as that is the kind of man you are in bed with, you are unlikely to have an enjoyable experience in your ass.

I’ve been penetrated anally and find it to be pleasant in a way that is only vaguely sexual. I know some of this is a result of having a prostrate, but I think it also simply feels good.

But if I add direct stimulation of my penis while being penetrated, the combination is very intense.
This is almost surely a by-product of the effect on my prostate.

If you can relax and simply feel the sensations during anal sex and set aside an agenda to “get off”, you may (or may not) find that it is a pleasant change of pace. One thing is for sure, I don’t think you have given anal sex a real chance because you were with men who were ill equipped to introduce you to it.

Alix: Good point Jim, I did like jerks. I think most women and most men go through a “chasing” or “nurse” phase. I liked to chase the guys and wanted to fix them. It took me a while before I became tired of chasing and realized I couldn’t fix anyone. Not to mention the fact that I had to fix myself.

But this story wasn’t about my problems with men, it was about my problems with anal.

It felt like I was taking a shit. Considering the guy I did it with and his ability to make me cower and freak out at the slightest thing, I had good reason to be afraid that I did indeed shit on his dick. But I didn’t and I gritted my teeth to get through with it.

I wasn’t looking for sexual pleasure, I was trying to please him. He was the one who wanted me to get off. I just wanted to make him happy which was my very dysfunctional way of getting off with him.

A while ago I was with a couple who wanted me to pleasure the woman. While I fucked her in the vagina her husband fucked her in the ass. I used a dildo and she squirted. It was fascinating and I wanted to do it myself. I don’t squirt and have been told that women can do it while being penetrated anally–sometimes. So yeah I’m going to try it again, soon. And you can bet I wont do it with an asshole.

The whole experience made me stronger and writing about it made me smarter. I appreciate the comments.

Usually, with the exception of last year, Chicago has some pretty awesome thunderstorms at the end of June and beginning of July. The light show is amazing, specially if you are close to the lake. I was driving from Lincolnshire to Rogers Park Monday night and saw some amazing bolts of lightning. I think if I ever got a tattoo it would be lightning. Not the traditional lightning bolt but the finger like ones that split into four and five. I’d also have them be invisible by day and glow in the dark at night. That’s impossible so I’m not doing it, but if I could have a tattoo like that I would.

So I’m sitting on the couch reading the TVGasm recap of Real Housewives of New Jersey (I read rather than watch. It’s very uncomfortable to watch these white trash women who have no grasp on the English language vomit money and buy mansions decorated with their High Colonic leftovers.), when I hear the tornado sirens. I hear them every Tuesday morning, but have never heard them at night on a Wednesday. I got so excited and adrenalin pumped through me. I turned on the weather channel and was accosted by a constant beeping warning the nation of the possibility of a tornado in Chicagoland. I jumped up, grabbed my umbrella and ran outside. I’m crazy like that. There was a green hue to the sky and it was very calm. I learned that this is indeed the sign that a tornado was soon to come. There was a rolling thunder that was constant for the whole 15 minutes I was outside. It cracked and roared while flashes of light lit up the green sky every few seconds. I was totally turned on. My fantasy is to have sex under a tree during a thunderstorm. The noise scares me and makes me feel like Mother Nature’s submissive and I will bow down and do anything she wants just to get fucked hard.

Oh wow! See I can draw a correlation between sex and everything.

Unfortunately, no tornadoes touched down in Chicago. There were a few funnel clouds in Chicago Heights, but I’ll bet Gary Indiana will get something bigger. I’m not for the destructive tornadoes, I just want one to say “Hello, I’m neato and wanted to tell you guys in Chicago that yes, I can fuck you hard but I won’t this time so be good”. It could touch down on LSD for a second and tear up one of the flower beds and a tree Daley taxed the shit out of us for planted and then leave with hardly any destruction. Shit, it would destroy everything, what am I talking about? As long as no one dies I’m ok with it. And tree-huggers shut-up! I’m from the city I don’t even know what a tree is! I’m a concrete-hugger!

I hope it rains next week because the sexy man is coming and I want to fuck him under a tree. The weather channel says yes, it will rain while WGN says no it will be sunny. Either way I’m having sex under a tree–if I can figure out what a tree is.

I heard from a fan that I was on the front page of Freeones. Considering how little work I do in the porn world, that’s quite a compliment. Speaking of porn, I have been considering trying out financial humiliation. Sounds weird and I haven’t totally made up my mind yet. I have said before that I am horrible at domination and humiliation. Trying to get into financial humiliation seems to be the opposite of what I’m about, However, right now on Clips.com its the number one seller. I have no idea why any man would want to watch a bitchy girl demand he buy her things, but it seems to be working. Pretty, sexy and nice girls aren’t selling like they used to so I have to do what makes money. I want to know what you think. Who’s into it and who’s not? Why? Do you think I can be a brat and still look good? Remember, its not me but sometimes we all have to make sacrifices to put food on the table.

Speaking of making money, business sucks! I get at least 3 no call no show’s a day. I don’t know if these tools get a kick out of making an appointment just to perform the act of talking to me or if they are just idiots. I think its both. At least once a day, I get a call from someone requesting that I abuse them in some way. Most of the time its smothering. I have big natural boobs so I get it. However, I have never seen anyone who requests this. Sure they make appointments but they never show up. There is a site I belong to that is for women only and I read a comment explaining that most of the domination requests were crap and the guys never show up. I let them make an appointment and book on top of it. The only reason they call is to have me be a bitch on the phone. A while back I tried to be a bitch, now I don’t bother and say “when? ok, see ya” and hang up. It’s a pain in the ass and a waste of time. I hope next week is better. Chicago is getting just as bad as LA. Even worse, I saw a guy on Clark wearing a fedora the other day. I wanted to kick him in the face. I thought Chicago was immune.

I will be in Chicago until the 26th. The 27 through the 29th I will be in Miami. If you are in Chicago or Miami and want to meet me please get in touch.

Also, don’t text me a million times. I don’t have time to type on a tiny keyboard just so you can get your jollies by thinking you have a personal relationship with me. Texting drives me crazy and I think it’s pretty lame. People text you when they are afraid to talk to you. I never make appointments by text. It’s shady and I don’t trust it. I text my friends and I text addresses. Get balls and call me on the phone. I’m a nice girl and not scary at all.

AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE, I DO NOT PARTY!!!!! I have not met one man who can keep an erection while “partying” so why in the world would you want me to talk you ear off and get turned off by your spongy, limp dick?

I’m done bitching. Stay tuned, I’m doing a photo shoot on Monday and will have new pics, meanwhile, here’s a pic from my phone.

It happened when I was in LA, I went coo-coo. I thought I was psychic and started seeing the future which was filled with menacing, appearance addicted wannabes wearing fedoras. They told me to wear ill-fitting $2000 jumpsuits cinched with $500 wide leather belts because if the fabric rides up your ass and looks too big all at the same time, that’s hot! They preached about how I had to get cosmetic surgery and be thin with stiff, jell filled boobs so I could get the BIG jobs. More importantly, I could land that extremely wealthy trust-fund stud with the permanent five-o’clock shadow and pit stains topped of with a rat pack hat that he farted on right before he left the house his dad wore when touring with Sinatra-who also happens to be his godfather. If not, they said I could maybe get lucky with a few small S&M or BBW scenes (not to be sold in LA but everywhere else). I would also land the wannabe screen writer/director from Indiana sporting a faux-hawk topped with a bald spot living with five other guys in a three bedroom Hollywood apartment.

It was scary. But not all people in LA are like that. In fact, most of the people I’ve met in LA are awesome. The others are just funnier to write about.

I like my boobs and don’t really mind that I’m a size 12. If I had to get cosmetic surgery, I think I would get something to shrink my pores or get rid of lines I don’t want. I’d spend my money and get some sort of high-tech facial or body wrap that promises to make me look younger and healthier.

Huh? Let me re-think that. Alix+more money=fun. Fun is not plastic surgery or day-long spa treatments. I’d totally spend my money on shoes, sexy lingerie, clothes, cars, travel and home decor. I care about my appearance but not enough to spend huge amounts to perfect it. I might get a few things like my hair and nails done maybe even facials but unless I feel really ugly, I will spend my remaining young years playing.

And the men….I don’t want any of the above and some more that I didn’t mention.

No I am not leaving Chicago for LA. I do want to get an apartment in LA so I can avoid our cold winters and have a lot of sex with…
I plan on keeping a place in Chicago so don’t worry dudes, I’ll be in Chi-Town at least once a month.

Porn news: Score wants to shoot an interracial later this month. They offered me less money than I want so I asked for more. This means there is a chance I will not do the shoot either because I pissed them off or they can’t pay me. They eliminated the solo magazine spread but I know its still going to be a 10 hour day. I have to stand up for myself sometime.

I also have to make sure I don’t work with one particular guy. You might remember my Bang Brothers fiasco a few years back. If not I’ll remind you. I did a little video with Bunny De LA Cruz and this self proclaimed stud for Bang Brothers. Not only could the stud not keep his dick hard but the director/camera man tried to become my pussy’s BFF. And then BB’s accountant paid my friend Bunny in front of me. They also paid her more. I got strep-throat after I returned to Chicago and spent a week in bed. This prompted me to get every STD test I could. Then I  complained to Bang Brothers. They didn’t like that at all. I have to say I was a bit harsh on the stud but he was a whiner and I know I was nice to him both at Score and Bang Brothers while he looked at me rolling his eyes and talking about the hotter girls he’s worked with. Guys who don’t want to work with bigger chicks should just say no to BBW video offers. According to him, he works all the time and makes tons of money that he can spend bar hopping and impressing the hot babes. Obviously he doesn’t need to do videos with girls he can’t get a hard-on for.

I was treated by the camera man, my co-star and Bang Brothers the way I imagined I would be treated by the industry, like a piece of meat. I know my reaction was not professional or good for my career, but I don’t really care about being a famous porn star. Like every other job I’ve had, I am not a good employee. So if you are wondering about my next Bang Brothers video, don’t hold your breath. It’s not going to happen.

Travel: I’m not sure if I’m going to New York. I’ve heard its a lot like LA business wise. If you want me there you need to get in touch with me pronto. This weekend I am in LA. I’ll be back in Chicago on the 8th of June.

Just for fun, here’s a pic.

LA is awesome but it’s a bad place to work. Too many flakes and scammers.

I only plan on being in Chicago for 2 weeks to a month. If you have been emailing me or calling and I am not responding please don’t take offense. I’ve been busy. Well I WAS busy. I’m trying to catch up on emails.

I am planning on coming back to LA in early June then traveling to New York mid June and Dallas at the end of June. Hopefully I will be able to finally settle in LA in July. No matter what, at some point I will be moving to LA and I plan on doing it this year. Yes I want to live here despite the disappointments, the assholes and the overall consensus, held by industry people in LA, that all women should be a size 0. I love the weather, I love the people I have met and befriended. I love the mountains. And I love that LA is one of the weirdest and wildest places I’ve ever been.

LA also has a large population of douchebags and one of my favorite things is to spot douchebags and laugh at them with my friends. The other night after eating Chicago Style Pizza which was pretty good, my friend and I counted at least 10 fedoras in 10 minutes walk by us as we sat outsite the restaurant smoking. It was funny because each fedora came with a different kind of douchebag. There was the classic, Ed Hardy molested douchebag, complete with rubber cancer bracelets. The funkadelic douchebag whose fedora looked so tiny sitting high atop his afro. The emo douchebag, wearing something that he considered clothing, eyeliner and black lipstick and needs to have his ass kicked because of his hair alone. There also was a Guido douchbag, a hippy douchbag, a punkrock douchbag and a mexican punkrock or emo douchebag. They all wore fedoras, a really nice hat that shouldn’t be worn so casually. Most of these guys aren’t even worthy of a fedora.

The thing I will miss the most is the amazing sex I had. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had sex for thirty-six hours. It’s what I will come back for in hopes of breaking that record. Yes it was with one guy and no I am not giving any details except that it is amazing.

So get ready Chicago, I’m coming home!