Happy Birthday to me!

I wrote this in LA last September. I’m trying something new and wrote it like a television recap because all I read now are recaps. It’s the first part of the 23 hours I spent working for Score in July shooting two videos. Yes, that’s 23 hours in two days. 10 hours the first day and 13 the second (that’s for about an hour of video featuring me). My hourly rate was laughable! It’s one of the main reasons I do so little video these days. Here is the preview of the second video I did. As for the first I can’t find it. They tell me nothing at Score so I have no idea what the feature film was called. If anyone has any info on it I would appreciate an email. It’s something like “Big girl strip club”. I should be more on top of things, but since I never watch my videos and I have more important things to care about, I don’t give a flying fuck.

The next part of the Score story includes three new girls and about 15 guys. I’ll get that up as soon as I’m done editing it.

I also shot three videos for Sensational in November. I’ll get those previews soon. Wait for them, I’m trying that affiliate link thing again and want money for the downloads. If you care about me getting proper compensation for my work you’ll wait and use the links I provide.

I had some major drama in September that postponed my move to LA. Presently, I am sitting in a hotel near O’Hare waiting to move into a sublet downtown (Chicago) that I rented until July. Unfortunately, I will have to deal with another cold, dark and windy winter in my hometown. I plan on touring, but you need to tell me where to go!

Enjoy!

I’ve been working on this for two months. I keep saying to myself, save it for the book. But who knows if I’ll ever write it. I’ve only edited this piece 10 times so I’m sure whatever the book will have will be completely different after edit 25.

All the “where are you?” emails and comments are bugging me. At 4am on a Friday morning, I can happily say I am in LA posting to my blog–after months of nothing. It’s a two part story. The second half is almost done. It will probably be done in the next few days. If not I will finish it before Thanksgiving. Don’t rush me I’m old and tired.

According to Score I’m a comeback. That’s what they do with girls that tell them they have no new material. I was in the April 2010 issue of Voluptuous. The pics were from 2007. I called because they sent the issue to my parents and not me. I changed my address a while ago when I had some back issues and videos sent to me (five times!). The address change must have never made it to their computer. My poor pop had to hide it from my mother and have an uncomfortable talk with me. What, did Score lay the mail fucker off and he retaliated by deleting all new changes? I’ll bet they just suck and don’t know how to use computers.  They are a print company.

Regardless, I asked if they wanted new material. They said no. The next day, I was offered a two day shoot because they didn’t have me with a black dude. This biracial sex stuff is all the rage now. Goofy kids. I went and here’s the story:

­­­WELCOME TO SCORELAND where all vagina’s get sore and buttholes leak! My trip to Miami at the end of June was for three nights which I thought excessive. I flew in on Sunday and didn’t have to work until Monday at 11am. Ugh! At least the hotel was nice.

The weather was nasty. The sky had a suffocating haze of hellish humidity and heat. I hate Miami in summer. The weather was the same as Chicago. I kept my humidity induced headache throughout the trip. Stupid head. If you wonder why I’m so anxious to move to the desert, the dry air is one reason. I lose my voice in LA but my head doesn’t hurt from the weather.

I arrived at Score Castle and of course no one answered the buzzer.  A tiny, middle-aged man let me in before I could angrily pound on the door. Later I found out he was the CEO.

Only two people from the old days are left at Score. One was my favorite photographer and soon to be new BGFM (Best Gay Friend in Miami) and the other was the ever pushy and adorable Directress. The Directress asked me a bunch of questions about what I have been doing and I lied with fumbling finesse (enough with the alliteration!). BGFM gave me a hug. Smiles all around and we were ready to pretend to be in love and make dirty movies.

The makeup/hair person was a big busted black girl who is my new BBFM (Best Black Friend in Miami). She used the phrase “In like Flynn” and I instantly loved her. Look it up, it’s hard to explain. She didn’t use it right, but she still used it. It’s the little things that count.

In the other makeup chair was a new girl. We’ll call here Prissy Pain. Prissy because she was shy but came off prissy. Pain because that’s all she got from Score. Prissy half smiled at me and went to the bathroom. I was then told she was new and to be nice to her. Yea! I had a newbie that I could take care of! I love newbies and I love taking care of people. So despite her seemingly prissy attitude I was super nice to her.

The guys came in next. Wan followed by Jack Hammer. Both names are hilarious. Wan: some Score chick spelled his name wrong (W-A-N) on a call sheet. Jack: he was from Columbia or Chile and with his thick accent he came up with Jack Hammer. I’ll bet that’s a huge porn name in whatever C country he is from and they use it in rap songs too.

Wan was delighted to see me and said he hoped he was working with me. I was flattered and hoped so too. He had a big personality. I like working with big personalities. I like to joke around and I didn’t think the Hammer had enough of a grasp of the English language to joke with me. I was wrong. Being wrong means I was working with the Hammer.

Wan was disappointed and I wish it didn’t show so much on his face. I’m pretty sure Prissy could tell he was unhappy. When I was new, my first Score guy was all about the other chick who brought her husband to fuck on film (cause its ok for her to strip and do the 10 minute “$200 song” in the back room with strangers, but not fuck one on film).

Back then being older made it easy for me to dismiss. When I met my co-star, I was so nervous and unsure of what was expected of me. It was really scary and I thought the guy would hate fucking me on screen. Then I realized most guys like to stick their dick in anything soft and wet. And despite my inexperience in porn, I was way older than my unhappy costar and probably going to be one of the softest, wettest and most incredible fucks he’s had. That’s what I told myself and it worked.  The next time I worked with him, he was happy to see me and our scene went pretty smooth. I don’t think Prissy had that insight.

I’ve explained before that when making a video, stills are first and video is second. At Score, lighting for stills is completely different than lighting for video. To save time, Score had Prissy and I take turns, first doing stills and then video. She was first. It took two hours for Prissy to take her stills. Every now and then Wan would come in and complain to Jack and I. I guess Prissy hadn’t known how bad a ten inch long and five inch wide dick would hurt in her asshole.

Poor Prissy. She must have used three enemas that day and used 2 bottles of lube. There was barely any KY left for me and Jack. I just need a little spit anyway so it was no problem. Jack and I sped through our pictures in 20 minutes. Yes I am a professional! We then spent the next four hours waiting for Prissy to shoot her video, occasionally getting salty updates from Wan. Prissy walked in a few times to go to the toilet. Before, I was eating up the nastiness that Wan was shilling about his horrible situation. But when I saw how much Prissy was struggling, I changed my tune.

Yeah, it was a pain in the ass to wait-har har. But, Prissy had no experience. No one told her how to prepare. She was also only 21. When I was 21, ass sex was gross to me. When it became the sensation it is now, I tried it. I didn’t know that it would hurt so much. I’ve told the story a million times about my anal experience so I’m not going to rehash it. Read Anal Sense and you’ll know.

Poor Prissy had way too many “accidents”. When she and Wan were finally done it was 7pm. Jack and I went to the set to do our scene and Jack had a problem with his Hammer. We tried and tried. He was nice but I stopped helping him after 10 minutes and talked to my BGFM about his recent trip to Chicago. After an hour of starting and stopping with poor results, we were allowed to go home and told to come back early to film the rest.

No, I don’t take it personally that Jack couldn’t swing his Hammer. It was a long day and I wasn’t in the mood either. I never take it personally anyway. It’s not like we spent the day flirting and anticipating the scene. He did, but not me. Jack told me he got into the business because he loves to fuck and loves big boobs. I hate to disappoint you guys, but I went to Score because I had fans asking me to do more videos. I don’t really want to do them as much as you want me to. 10 hour days suck and Miami is too hot in the summer.

Prissy was waiting for me and we loaded ourselves into the shuttle. I convinced the driver to stop at Walgreens. Prissy needed laxatives and enemas and I needed smokes and wine. I figured we’d have to make two stops but holy shit, this Walgreens was one of the 3 in the US with a liquor section! Yippie! I bought Prissy SoCo and Chardonnay for myself. She was broke so I footed the bill which made her smile.

Back at the hotel, I got to know Prissy. She was shy and from a small town. This was all new to her and she honestly did it for the money. I gave her the low down on what to expect from the industry. At 21, she has a lot more potential to make money than I did when I started at 34. I’m tired and have too much going on to devote myself to becoming a porn star. She, on the other hand, has time to learn all the ins and outs of the business (Oh the puns! I’m so proud!).

We had fun and lots of SoCo. I gave her a bunch of lingerie that I never wear and took pics of her for her boyfriend back home. I also told her all I knew about anal on screen. Despite this new knowledge, she still resolved to never do anal again—on screen or in private. She’s 21, give her time to relax those sphincter muscles.

I don’t drink liquor anymore and I forgot how little it takes to get me drunk. I prefer wine, expensive wine that doesn’t leave me sick in the morning. Hangovers suck and I try to avoid them but am not always successful. This was one of those unsuccessful times. It wasn’t that bad, but I’m sure I drunk dialed at least one important person and made an ass out of myself.

I passed out and didn’t hear the wake up call. I was in so much trouble because they were waiting for me at the studio! Holy Fuck!

Enjoy a pic from my BBC video!

Jim: I expect some of your problem with anal sex is tied to the whole poo thing. Understandable, but its the kind of thing that can be overcome. A lot of women have similar issues with semen and I know it took me a little while to get used to eating out a woman.

But that as you know, that is not the whole issue.
The big issue is the pain. If you ever try anal sex again, it should be with a man who actually knows how to initiate a woman, not some joker who doesn’t know to use lube or whose nose is full of coke.

Trouble is…. it seems like you tend to be attracted to jerks and as long as that is the kind of man you are in bed with, you are unlikely to have an enjoyable experience in your ass.

I’ve been penetrated anally and find it to be pleasant in a way that is only vaguely sexual. I know some of this is a result of having a prostrate, but I think it also simply feels good.

But if I add direct stimulation of my penis while being penetrated, the combination is very intense.
This is almost surely a by-product of the effect on my prostate.

If you can relax and simply feel the sensations during anal sex and set aside an agenda to “get off”, you may (or may not) find that it is a pleasant change of pace. One thing is for sure, I don’t think you have given anal sex a real chance because you were with men who were ill equipped to introduce you to it.

Alix: Good point Jim, I did like jerks. I think most women and most men go through a “chasing” or “nurse” phase. I liked to chase the guys and wanted to fix them. It took me a while before I became tired of chasing and realized I couldn’t fix anyone. Not to mention the fact that I had to fix myself.

But this story wasn’t about my problems with men, it was about my problems with anal.

It felt like I was taking a shit. Considering the guy I did it with and his ability to make me cower and freak out at the slightest thing, I had good reason to be afraid that I did indeed shit on his dick. But I didn’t and I gritted my teeth to get through with it.

I wasn’t looking for sexual pleasure, I was trying to please him. He was the one who wanted me to get off. I just wanted to make him happy which was my very dysfunctional way of getting off with him.

A while ago I was with a couple who wanted me to pleasure the woman. While I fucked her in the vagina her husband fucked her in the ass. I used a dildo and she squirted. It was fascinating and I wanted to do it myself. I don’t squirt and have been told that women can do it while being penetrated anally–sometimes. So yeah I’m going to try it again, soon. And you can bet I wont do it with an asshole.

The whole experience made me stronger and writing about it made me smarter. I appreciate the comments.

Usually, with the exception of last year, Chicago has some pretty awesome thunderstorms at the end of June and beginning of July. The light show is amazing, specially if you are close to the lake. I was driving from Lincolnshire to Rogers Park Monday night and saw some amazing bolts of lightning. I think if I ever got a tattoo it would be lightning. Not the traditional lightning bolt but the finger like ones that split into four and five. I’d also have them be invisible by day and glow in the dark at night. That’s impossible so I’m not doing it, but if I could have a tattoo like that I would.

So I’m sitting on the couch reading the TVGasm recap of Real Housewives of New Jersey (I read rather than watch. It’s very uncomfortable to watch these white trash women who have no grasp on the English language vomit money and buy mansions decorated with their High Colonic leftovers.), when I hear the tornado sirens. I hear them every Tuesday morning, but have never heard them at night on a Wednesday. I got so excited and adrenalin pumped through me. I turned on the weather channel and was accosted by a constant beeping warning the nation of the possibility of a tornado in Chicagoland. I jumped up, grabbed my umbrella and ran outside. I’m crazy like that. There was a green hue to the sky and it was very calm. I learned that this is indeed the sign that a tornado was soon to come. There was a rolling thunder that was constant for the whole 15 minutes I was outside. It cracked and roared while flashes of light lit up the green sky every few seconds. I was totally turned on. My fantasy is to have sex under a tree during a thunderstorm. The noise scares me and makes me feel like Mother Nature’s submissive and I will bow down and do anything she wants just to get fucked hard.

Oh wow! See I can draw a correlation between sex and everything.

Unfortunately, no tornadoes touched down in Chicago. There were a few funnel clouds in Chicago Heights, but I’ll bet Gary Indiana will get something bigger. I’m not for the destructive tornadoes, I just want one to say “Hello, I’m neato and wanted to tell you guys in Chicago that yes, I can fuck you hard but I won’t this time so be good”. It could touch down on LSD for a second and tear up one of the flower beds and a tree Daley taxed the shit out of us for planted and then leave with hardly any destruction. Shit, it would destroy everything, what am I talking about? As long as no one dies I’m ok with it. And tree-huggers shut-up! I’m from the city I don’t even know what a tree is! I’m a concrete-hugger!

I hope it rains next week because the sexy man is coming and I want to fuck him under a tree. The weather channel says yes, it will rain while WGN says no it will be sunny. Either way I’m having sex under a tree–if I can figure out what a tree is.

I heard from a fan that I was on the front page of Freeones. Considering how little work I do in the porn world, that’s quite a compliment. Speaking of porn, I have been considering trying out financial humiliation. Sounds weird and I haven’t totally made up my mind yet. I have said before that I am horrible at domination and humiliation. Trying to get into financial humiliation seems to be the opposite of what I’m about, However, right now on Clips.com its the number one seller. I have no idea why any man would want to watch a bitchy girl demand he buy her things, but it seems to be working. Pretty, sexy and nice girls aren’t selling like they used to so I have to do what makes money. I want to know what you think. Who’s into it and who’s not? Why? Do you think I can be a brat and still look good? Remember, its not me but sometimes we all have to make sacrifices to put food on the table.

Speaking of making money, business sucks! I get at least 3 no call no show’s a day. I don’t know if these tools get a kick out of making an appointment just to perform the act of talking to me or if they are just idiots. I think its both. At least once a day, I get a call from someone requesting that I abuse them in some way. Most of the time its smothering. I have big natural boobs so I get it. However, I have never seen anyone who requests this. Sure they make appointments but they never show up. There is a site I belong to that is for women only and I read a comment explaining that most of the domination requests were crap and the guys never show up. I let them make an appointment and book on top of it. The only reason they call is to have me be a bitch on the phone. A while back I tried to be a bitch, now I don’t bother and say “when? ok, see ya” and hang up. It’s a pain in the ass and a waste of time. I hope next week is better. Chicago is getting just as bad as LA. Even worse, I saw a guy on Clark wearing a fedora the other day. I wanted to kick him in the face. I thought Chicago was immune.

I will be in Chicago until the 26th. The 27 through the 29th I will be in Miami. If you are in Chicago or Miami and want to meet me please get in touch.

Also, don’t text me a million times. I don’t have time to type on a tiny keyboard just so you can get your jollies by thinking you have a personal relationship with me. Texting drives me crazy and I think it’s pretty lame. People text you when they are afraid to talk to you. I never make appointments by text. It’s shady and I don’t trust it. I text my friends and I text addresses. Get balls and call me on the phone. I’m a nice girl and not scary at all.

AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE, I DO NOT PARTY!!!!! I have not met one man who can keep an erection while “partying” so why in the world would you want me to talk you ear off and get turned off by your spongy, limp dick?

I’m done bitching. Stay tuned, I’m doing a photo shoot on Monday and will have new pics, meanwhile, here’s a pic from my phone.